I started to question myself what i have been doing all these while for him is it worth it... Seriously, i do not know what is exactly in his mind....after what he said to me in the car last nite and what he had done to me, i dont know if what i am doing is stupid or silly....or i am being blinded by love....I know his stress level is very high as his dad is lying in hospital waiting for the money for opeartion but till now there is still no result or outcome, i can fully understand that feeling of frustration and mental stress.....i have the same feeling as him too though that person is not my father, but i could feel the tension.....i am just an outsider rendering help... he smile and say he love me when i able to finish or complete his request or mission, but when i didnt, instead of some words of assurance i got shouting from him, screaming, and even slapping, i already feel miserable not able to assist him and even worst when i got involved with police case for no reason just becos i wanted so much to help him i did not think of other when someone agreed to help me...I was not fully settle with the incident having fear in me that my parents will find out i try very hard to be as normal as possible....even though i have not overcome the shockness yet i did not use that as an excuse to stop helping him...I still continued to seek around for help hoping to have good news....Am i not good enough to go all the extra miles to seek help....where on earth would any gals do all these for a guy especially after getting herself with police case for no reason
yet continued to help him despite being spike by his angry words. Since he love his girlfriend so much why not he approached her for help, if to him i am someone stupid or never used my brain to things.....and someone that he HATED why does he still seek me for help since to him i am good for nothing and sore eye to him...I am not jealous and never did i ever feel jealous before, all i felt is that the words he used on me is unjustify to my action, if i have not done anything or i have make empty promises i jolly well received the comments he say but i ddint at all yet he could still say those words...cos of the money issue i have spent many sleepless nite thinking of ways to help him and earlier on cos i am in my deep thought i got myself in an accident, he called me and ask me where am i and taken my lunch, i told him i am at clinic but to him he think i was sick but in actual i was there cos i met in accident, but did tell him the truth..No I Didnt cos i dont want him to worry about me as he had too many problems to handle....AM I not considerate enough as a gf to him....WHy didnt i tell him cos i know, the 1st thing he will say is, Why you so stupid?? Why you so careless?? so what the point to tell him...if is going to listen to all these words...if is not becos i am in my deep thoughts thinking of solution to help him would such accident happened?? Does he know how much stress he has given to me and yet i still have to listen to all those words from him when things not accomplish....He is not the only one with feeling and emotion, i have too but whom can i share my feeling with when he say all these things to me....What sadden me is not the words but the thought in him that always feel that i dont want to help him and feels that i hidding something from him....If there no trust in this relationship, den what is the point for person to give 100% and end up is all the doubting from the other party...I really do not know how he feel when he say all those words.....does he really meant it or he say cos of anger i really dont know..al i know is i am now fully exhausted, i really hope he can see my action and not thinking that i am finding excuses or trying to play pranks on him....Finally understand, loving someone is always more diffcult den being loved by someone...and that what i truly experience.....
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