I Am Doing The Right Thing

It been a mth plus and i never in my life feel so down and sad...I did not know if it is a mistake to start off this relationship, too many things had happened till i do not how to settle my emotion...I never feel so empty before not even when i am in my lowest...I do not know if being with him is a blessing or a test given from God to see my perseverance and tolerance level...Never in my life ever be insult by any guys like him do....Sometimes, i really wonder what is in him that why is he always having an unpredictable temper, good at a time and changes very fast, just like weather forecast,I am not only losing the confident in myself and him but also my capability of giving my 100% in the relationship, Never in my life that i have come to a junction where i am so broke to the extend that settling 3 meals have become an issue, No matter how much i am willing to give in, even out of my limits, i will still try my best to give and help him but what did i get at the end of the day, words of crtitism...i do not know how much i meant to him, but all i know i can never win him over no matter how much effort i put in, afterall is only one-sided, from the moment he show me the picture he took with his girlfriend on the hp, i guess the massage from him is quite clear, i supposed he have an answer long time ago...Sometimes i really wonder, if i should reconsider about taking our relationship seriously again, after so many incidents happened...i am really thinking if what i go through happened on his girlfriend would he still react the same as what he did to me....recently i couldnt stop myself from thinking about all these, cos his action towards me really send a chill down my spine, i do not know why he is so worried if i would tell my friends or people ard me that he slapped me..if he really scared how people will judge him then he shouldnt have even use such action...deep in me i really wonder if his girlfriend really know that he has a unpredictable temper or throughtout this one whole yr being together he never flare his temper and always keeping his cool in front of her, and i strongely disbelieved that his girlfriend had no weakness that irritated him as every human has it own weakness...This few days i been spending time thinking hard as something puzzled me, since he lovedhis girlfriend so much, does his girlfriend know that his dad is critically ill, and if she does, did she also offer a helping hand cos if she knows about it, she should be helping and not leaving him so desperate finding ways to raise the money and if she had been helping i guess thing will be much more easy even if not the full sum....seriously i am thinking even though i have given my words to him that i will help him but when he saw me at my wits end he could ask her to help a little and not flaring up at me, unless something is amiss in between...That only he knows.... I do not know i my intution is right this time, i can see that he has some gulity-conscious in him or he is hidding something from me, i dont know why he is so worry that he cant repay me and worried that we will break up unless he had planned everything ( I dont know) before hand....Maybe i am just being over-sensitive due to his action towards....Afterall, no matter how generous i am, where on earth will a gals feel happy seeing someone she loved is with other gals, likewise, if i am with other guys, will he really be so generous enough to allow such action if he really care....The Answer is no cos NONE of the people on earth can be so generous enough to let others to share their loved one unless they dont care for each other if not there is no way....As now, i am nobody to him and i dun have any rites to stop him from what he like to do but at least some respect should be given to me, and if he is someone really believed in God and fear God, he shouldnt be two-timing.....I do not know what is his decision but watever it is, i just wish for the best for him and hope thing will get better for him...as whether if we are meant tobe together, I shall leave it to God to decide for us....