Things In Mind

From young till now, everytime when i watch television program, i will always envy those children who are being loved by their parents and how their siblings care for them, everytime when i saw such image my heart feel kind of sour feeling and i will always cried in a small corner as i was touch my those images, i always dream of having such images in my own family but it seldom happened, and i know such things will never happened in my own family. It really break my heart whenever i witness that my parents care so much for my brother and yet to myself though they care but will always bring up the topic whenever the problem is settle, this unfairness had been in bulit in me since a young kid, but when i voice out such issue, my parents will denied and alwasy insist that their treating both of us the same. So that was how i grow up in such environment, It was only until recently, i decide to take some action and seek help to find out what exactly is wrong with myself and why i am facing such obstacle again and again without coming to a rest, i feel physically and mentally exhausted, in order to not let my frens around me to worry abt me, i will try my best to portrait a very gd image and telling them that i am doing fine, and things are improving, but deep inside me, my heart is bleeding badly that the hurt is so much to me that i feel numb about it. Having been bother by such circumstance for such a long period, i decide to seek help from the divine God. I was really shock about the news that He told about my past and why i am going through all this. It been almost 4 days since i know about the news, but till now i havent really settle my emotion, i thought i could bring some sense to my parents and hoping that they will change for a better, but what hurt me was, they are still as stubborn as before and still insist that they have not done anything wrong, and even so what can they do, so what if they are not sincere, as long as they never harm people outside and they can answer to themself will do, i cant imagine that till now they can still say such words even i had convey the message from the God to them, Maybe i am too navie that they will listen and change but i guess after 4 days of observation, i should listen to the God and follow what he told me. learn to think of myself 1st before others, i know i cant do it right at the moment, but come to this extend i had no other choice but think of myself 1st. Seeing myself going through the suffering, they say they feel the pain as well, but to me is if they feel the suffering and pain why they dont want to seek help from God and sincerely prayed about it, sometimes i really doubt on them if they really feel the pain i go through, if yes how could they just keep putting things aside and never thought of seeking God seeing me going through all this things, yesterday we have a heat up agurment again, my heart never feel that hurt and pain before even when we used to fight very badly, i am seriously at lost and now all my mind and soul is focusing on praying hard that Goddness of Mercuy will forgive me and to my parents for their mistake, i know is a big mistake but i will used my heart and faith that i have in God and pray sincerely to it, hoping that one day Goddness of Mercuy will grant my forgiveness and thing will slowly be on the right path, whatever mistake that had been done i will bear it and accept it...All i hope for now is, that one day Goddness of Mercuy will be touch by my sincerity.

Why Is It Life Is So Unfair To Me

The saddest thing in life is not knowing that people around you dont support you or encourage you..The scariest and saddest news to revealed is when you found out that you dont even belong to this world..It was through a session that i found out this unbelieved news from the God of Hell and Jade yesterday, i dont know if it was a rite move that i went to seek guidance from this God, after so many things is done yet i am still feel that things are still nt exactly at the rite track, when i seek help from ytd, the moment he look at me, He keep shaking his head and told me, i should not be born into this world, or i shld not be even born, and since i was born life will be a tough and difficult jounery for me from the start till my old age, when i ask what can i do to make it better so that i dont find it so difficult and tough, He ask if i ever dedicated myself to any people or God, and base on my memory from what i heard from my parents before age 15 i was once the child of God Of Mercy, but once after the age of 15 i will be free from the careof Her, so i went into christianity, to my horror, i have made the biggest and worst mistake in my life, from the time i become sensible i never ever offended anyone in my life but yet i have offend someone we should never offend and that is GOD, that is the worst scariest mistake that i ever commited, the reason why i am so shock and affected is because due to my ignorant i went into christainity and i was being punish cos of my parents who did not do a proper job and ended up i have to suffer all this pain and toils, why are they so careless, when i confronted them this morning, to ask the final time, did they did a proper and clean job when i switch to christianity, they still insist saying yes, that make me very very upset and angry, when i explain to them they put the blamed on me saying cos at that time i refused to listen and insist of going into christianity so they leave me aside, when i reflected on this issue i dont find yself at fault cos in the 1st place i did ask them if i am really abl eto choose my religion and before i decide to baptise i even ask them again if they have settle everything for me properly and again the answer is YES, but what happened now, if they have done a proper job will i suffer all this, i dont know if i should put who on the blame, the other that hurt me even more when the God of Hell and Jade told me that my relationship with my family is not close cos my parents practices favouriteism in the family,the love and dote a lot on my brother but is was the greatest mistake cos my brother will turn into someone who is WANG EN FU YI person, and cos of what my brother action it disappointed my parents whatever i do wont make any difference even if i am filial to them, i spare thoughts on them but they would never appreciate, when i heard this my heart sank and i was utterly lost of words cos what the GOD told me was exactly how i have been feeling throughtout the years, when i tell my mother this morning, she denied it and emphasis that she dont do so, but if she dont why should God tell me this, when she heard the news she feels that i am blaming her and she find that she have done alot and yet i still find it not enough, i really dont understand why that when i convey the massage that God given me to them they are still at the denial of it....why they dont want to accept and admit it...Cos of their negligence, i am being severely punished by Goddness Of Mercy cos of my wrong move without any head or tails information, i have violated both God and have to suffer all this, why do i have such a parents that can be so careless about ritual and the attitude towards God, i can imagine that, cos of one word I dont know how and what to do jus follow what people say, i got to carry this sufferring, if in the beginning i am given a detail information things could be save and better...God had even give them hints through me but yet they are still not taking action until last year when thing went to the worst. Why life is so unfair to me even though i know i shouldnt come to this world...Afterall, the greates mistake i ever committed in my whole life is that i have offended someone that I always respect so much and needless to say that is GOD the Authority who foresee the people on earth...How could i have committed such unforgiveable mistake and how can i just walk out from Goddness Of Mercy without her permission and why my parents are so careless of all these.... WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?