Things In Mind

From young till now, everytime when i watch television program, i will always envy those children who are being loved by their parents and how their siblings care for them, everytime when i saw such image my heart feel kind of sour feeling and i will always cried in a small corner as i was touch my those images, i always dream of having such images in my own family but it seldom happened, and i know such things will never happened in my own family. It really break my heart whenever i witness that my parents care so much for my brother and yet to myself though they care but will always bring up the topic whenever the problem is settle, this unfairness had been in bulit in me since a young kid, but when i voice out such issue, my parents will denied and alwasy insist that their treating both of us the same. So that was how i grow up in such environment, It was only until recently, i decide to take some action and seek help to find out what exactly is wrong with myself and why i am facing such obstacle again and again without coming to a rest, i feel physically and mentally exhausted, in order to not let my frens around me to worry abt me, i will try my best to portrait a very gd image and telling them that i am doing fine, and things are improving, but deep inside me, my heart is bleeding badly that the hurt is so much to me that i feel numb about it. Having been bother by such circumstance for such a long period, i decide to seek help from the divine God. I was really shock about the news that He told about my past and why i am going through all this. It been almost 4 days since i know about the news, but till now i havent really settle my emotion, i thought i could bring some sense to my parents and hoping that they will change for a better, but what hurt me was, they are still as stubborn as before and still insist that they have not done anything wrong, and even so what can they do, so what if they are not sincere, as long as they never harm people outside and they can answer to themself will do, i cant imagine that till now they can still say such words even i had convey the message from the God to them, Maybe i am too navie that they will listen and change but i guess after 4 days of observation, i should listen to the God and follow what he told me. learn to think of myself 1st before others, i know i cant do it right at the moment, but come to this extend i had no other choice but think of myself 1st. Seeing myself going through the suffering, they say they feel the pain as well, but to me is if they feel the suffering and pain why they dont want to seek help from God and sincerely prayed about it, sometimes i really doubt on them if they really feel the pain i go through, if yes how could they just keep putting things aside and never thought of seeking God seeing me going through all this things, yesterday we have a heat up agurment again, my heart never feel that hurt and pain before even when we used to fight very badly, i am seriously at lost and now all my mind and soul is focusing on praying hard that Goddness of Mercuy will forgive me and to my parents for their mistake, i know is a big mistake but i will used my heart and faith that i have in God and pray sincerely to it, hoping that one day Goddness of Mercuy will grant my forgiveness and thing will slowly be on the right path, whatever mistake that had been done i will bear it and accept it...All i hope for now is, that one day Goddness of Mercuy will be touch by my sincerity.