Sadness that fill my thought

It had been many years since i been keeping this to myself. It had been a struggle and i still hanging there. Ever since i had suffered from depression i know i have been a burden to the family as i dont come from a rich family and my mum had to pay for my medical bill since then. The only question that keep stirring in my mind is that do they really understand this type of condition. Do they really put themselves in my shoe. I know i been quite sick and often end up in hospital but neither do i want this the happen. Do you think i really enjoy staying in hospital? They claimed to say that they understand me fully and what i want especially my mum but the question is does she really knows and understands it. Instead of giving me less stress, she had internally adding on stress to me by telling me that hey i can only work for another 5 years and i will be jobless, all my hard earned money had given you to pay for medical bill and left with nothing and she will keep humming on this and made me feel bad about it. She will even say things like i care so much for you have you ever care about for me. Many times when i tried to share something with her she never seem to understand and she will keep saying things from her own view which is sometime i dont need that. Many times she dont even know why i'm upset, angry or frustrated and why is that i have a drastic change in my emotion and when i talk back to her rudely she will say hey u crazy huh why you talk in such a way but she will never ask why or what happened. I dont need materialistic things what i want is someone i can share thing with and ideas to give and share together but whenever i shared things with her she will say i dont know, or what you want me to do. Do you think by giving such answer i will enjoy telling her things. The worst part is whenever i shared things with them, they will say things like all these is your own imaginations. The thing is do i have so much time to imagine all these thing hey i'm not crazy. After so many attempts of trying, they never understand the inner of me but only the outer of me. I'm tired of such circumstance. I'm tired of my life and i just find it meaningless even though i have archieve my success. I wanted very much to end myself cos that the best way to lesser the burden of my parents especially my mum since she had said i giving her lots of pressure and i'm draining her dry then that the best way. Once i leave from here, i think they will be happier as they dont have to worry about the fiancial anymore cos they dont have to pay my medical bill anymore.Isn't that a better ending for me and for them.