Sunday, December 14, 2008
Am I Really A Burden To My Parents And Family
Today i had another quarrel session with my mother early the morning after i wake up. I cant help hating myself to the extend that i really want to give up on my life since it giving everyone a huge problem.No one want to sick but why again and again they keep thinking that is my fault that i'm sick and i cause myself to be sick. Hey! i'm not insane. who doesnt want to be healthy, I know very well that it is financial draining but why do they have to keep reminding me about this. I know is hard on them. If they feel the pain for letting me to seek treatment,i'm fine i can choose not to go for further treatment just like how i stop myself from receiving treatment from Dr Yeo, it's not that i have fully recover it just that i dont wish to add on extra financial burden on them, so i'm suppressing all the symptoms, making them to feel at ease that i have recover. I do not mind to choose the death road again if that can relief their financial issue and burden. I just to not wish to hear or see them getting so frustrated whenever it comes to money issue, It's not that i dont want to work at the moment, but i having the pain most of the time and when i'm at home i got to bear with it in silence i can show them the sick look if not they will feel irritated. I simply dont understand why i cant be myself in front of my own parents why i have to hide the true feeling of me, why do i have to pretend that i'm okay even when i pain. I really wonder have they really understand the needs thai i want, the frustration and pain that i'm bearing, have they fully come to terms with my condition?I am both emotionally, and physically exhuasted. I really hated myself. Why is it that i can always share the most inner feeling of to the third parties and not my own my parents? Many times, when the pain is so bad that i really wish it will just take my life away and i can be gone forever so that my parents can be relief from it.If one day i'm gone, please do not feel sad about it cause i have ended your finanical worries as there will be no more medical bills to be stressing on you.This day will come in due time .To all friends, who happened to read this blog, just have to remember the happy times we have shared together. This is the only solution i can think off to ease their financial burden and i'm pretty sure that they will feel lighter without me. No more worries for them.
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2 comments:
Hey.. I do agree with you that nobody wants to be sick and all that getting treatment thingy.. Parents are always concern for their children. They put it in another way which they deem is the most effective. however, we have to forgive them for their ways if they do not fit us. Be positive my dear. Not everyone in this world have parents and are fortunate enuf to get treatment.
You got to work around it to solve the issue. Think what is the best solution to solve the problems.. and not how to end the problem. Hating yourself and thinking of leaving this world will not solve the problem.
At a certain age, there are bound to be times when we find it hard to communicate with our parents. That is when our sensibility and responsibility comes in... We have to take responsible for our own action take charge of our own life. Gone were the days where everything is 'Mummy this, Daddy that..'
My dear cousin, you have to be positive and strong. Have faith in yourself that you can get through these obstacles. We have all been through all these. Do not envy those who have better relationships with their parents, look at how to they establish that relationship. Remember that all individuals have different characters,so are our parents.
In this current situation, its true that medical fees are one problem. But hey, u are already trying your best working.. so cont to thrive and earn your life back. Do drop me a sms or call if you reali need to talk abt it yah... Love,
Winnie n Wileen
Dear cousin jenny,
Of course you are not a burden to your parents or your family. Your parents say all those words to you because they care about you. Maybe they did not see much improvement in you, so they think it's a waste of money going to that doctor. Maybe they want you to change doctors? I dont know... However, the thing that I know best is that no parents in this world would ever blame their daughter or son for being sick and needs to pay for their medical bills. They are thick-skinned people(no offence), maybe they are blaming themselves for letting you come to this world to suffer from illnesses and they just say all those to make themselves feel better. Deep inside their heart, they love you, they care for you, and they hope that one day you would be in the pink of health. All of us care for you, not only your parents. The best example is grandma. She worries about you alot. Remember this quote: Never resolve to giving up your life, be happy, let nature take its course...
Yours Sincerely,
Winnie & Wileen
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